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April 29th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
I never actually caught him, but I happened upon damning evidence left behind by my moron brother….. IN MY ROOM. We both still lived with my parents at the time, thus the issue. This particular day, I was just returning home from school, and he was leaving for work. I’m sure that as he left, I made a disparaging comment, or two, but it wasn’t enough as evidenced below. Noticed upon entering my room:
- Window shade partially up, so he could see if someone was coming up the driveway. I noted this quickly because I had done this many times when my girlfreind was in my room, so as to avoid embarrassing confrontations with the parental units.
- Computer chair parked in front of the TV.
- Porn box, that belonged to my parents, lying open in the floor next to the TV. Love on the Hershe Highway, I believe it was. Ron Jeremy gave an astounding monolog at the beginning. Four star family fun.
- TV still on.
- He did at least remember to stop the porn, however, the tape is still in the VCR.
- Crumpled towel on the floor.
Hence, my brother had masturbated to porn in my room, and completely left the mess for me to clean up. I fucking hate potheads.
I rehid the tape in my dad’s hiding spot. (Good job dad, even the bruno can find it.) I also used my brother’s tooth brush to pick up the towel and go throw it on his pillow, swearing to myself that next time I jerked off, it would be on the bristles of that very toothbrush. (Alas, I could never bring myself to do it.) No eye contact was made with my brother for weeks, I was too creeped out. All I think I ever said to him was, “Stop jerking off in my room, and don’t leave the bong on the living room table, dumbass.”
I did my fair share of drugs in my time, but never approached the blatantly idiotic things that kid did when high. Ahhhh, family.
April 29th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Shampoo bottle
I look at my porn collection and touch my ass as deep as my hands can go. Then I take a shampoo bottle and stick it up my ass as soon as I pull out my hand. Then I jack like a monkey in a anal parade until I cum.
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Soda popper
A well-lubed soda bottle stuck up the ass as you wank is wonderful.
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In the butt
I absolutely love shoving things up my ass and masturbating many times a day. So far I have used as dildos: hair brushes, candles, test tubes, carrots, shotgun shells, and of course my hand (almost got the whole thing in).
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Sit on it
I have to say one of the most intense orgasms I get is when I get a glue-stick-shaped object…even a glue stick with the lid FIRMLY attached, and sit it on a seat. Then I lube it up and sit down slowly onto it, then I start with my right hand at the top, and bring it down my shaft, then before I get to the end I get my left hand and bring it down…and so on. Start fast then go slower, but when you’re about to cum, just go as fast as you can! Doing all this with an object up your anus gives an absolutely HELLISH orgasm! For all you guys at home….TRY THIS ONE! I guarantee great pleasure!!!!
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Ass-stonishing!
I like to masturbate while sitting at my computer and reading other peoples masturbating stories . It gets me so turned on. I like to insert objects up my ass. The sensation is great!
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Take the plunge
*Note: You’ll need condoms and a plunger (or something of a similar size and shape) to try this. First, I take the condom and slip it over the handle on the plunger. If the condom is not very well lubed, then I pour lotion over the tip of it. I stick the plunger to the floor so it doesn’t slide anywhere while I’m doin’ my business. I then take my pants off so they won’t get in the way and are not stained by the lotion or cum. With my dick in my hand, slowly stroking, little by little I slide the plunger up my anus. Pushing it as far as I can, I start to jack off. You can try it either with or without lube, it really doesn’t matter. Right before climax (it shouldn’t take you very long), I stop and begin to massage my testicles. After about 10 seconds, I start back up again. Repeat this until you can’t hold the cum any longer. Once you reach the point of blowing your load and you can’t stop it, just let loose. You might want to be aiming at a toilet bowl or something so you won’t spend the following hour cleaning up.
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Comes in all sizes
Hey guys, if you want to stick something up your ass while masturbating, go to a field of cattails. Cut off a bunch of varying sizes. Then cut off the tip and roll a condom over it. Be sure to lube up. You may have to place a small piece of cotton on the tip if you don’t cut it right. Now get down to masturbating and fucking your ass at the same time. Boy, it feels great, and you can get it in any size you want.
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Plunge and Lube
I get the toilet plunger and place it on the floor with the handle in the air. I make sure the handle is clean. I then put some lube on my asshole and sit down gently on the handle as it goes into my ass. I then get some lube and whack off. As I get closer to shooting my load I move up and down on the handle. It’s a great feeling.
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Pearl jam
When I masturbate I like to take a pearl necklace and insert it into my ass. Then I start jerking off. As I start my orgasm I slowly pull the necklace out. Feels great!
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Gives himself the shaft
I like to shove a lubricated shaft up my ass, such as a pencil or something skinny like that, and I lie on my back, put my legs over my head, and aim my penis to my mouth, so when I cum, I end up with all of it in my mouth. Tastes good!
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Finger myself
I love to masturbate. Whenever I’m really bored at home I lube up and go on ahead. But what I particularly enjoy is as I masturbate I either finger my ass, or upon availability I will fuck my ass with a pen or toothbrush or something, and that feels so damn good. I would suggest all guys try this. It doesn’t mean you’re gay or anything, and if you think that you’re a total dumbass. I love masturbating! I also like to have masturbation sessions with friends. Its fun to let someone else jack you off, guy or girl. That’s my favorite, but rarely I get that opportunity. But if anyone wants to come over and jack me off you’re very well welcome!!
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Marker madness
First I find a pen, marker or anything round and smooth. I lube it (or not) and insert it into my ass. I then get an erection and with my left hand push the marker in and out of my butt while rubbing my scrotum. With my right hand I grab my penis in my palm and jerk it up and down. It feels GREAT!
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Write-on!
I start by watching some porn to turn me on and give me a pounding hard on. Then I take a pen and begin to suck it like a dick. I then insert the pen into my arse as far as I can. I spit on my dick and get it all lubed. Once lubed and with the pen inserted, I stand with my legs spread on my tiptoes and jack-off, with my left hand rotated so the thumb is at the bottom and my right hand pushing the pen in and out of my arse.
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Long shot
Sometimes when I start to feel horny, I take the end of a pen (not the part you write with), lube it up, and stick it in my ass. I move it around in circles and when I get hard I pull my foreskin back (I am not circumcised), lube up my dick, and jerk away. When I feel like I am about to cum, I move the pen in circles and it feels great. Since my foreskin is pulled back I shoot extra far.
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