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April 29th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Get naked and sit up on the bed with your knees up and your legs apart. I like to lube up my right index finger and wank off with my left hand. When I’m ready to cum I flick my finger over my asshole and shoot my jizz all over my stomach.
April 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
When I was in high school, I came into possession of keys to every room in the school, and used them to every advantage that a semi-corrupt high school student would. One day, I was in the school late for extra-curricular activities and myself and a group of friends were talking about how uptight the music department at the school was.
If you haven’t heard of the “World Famous Bergenfield High School Marching Band,” then apparently you haven’t been watching the Macy’s parade in the past twenty years. But I digress…
So, we were talking about all the fucked-up things we could do just to show them they were a group full of marching band dorks when a freshman trying to score brownie points said he would masturbate on the conductors music stand. I was sold. I fished out the key to the auditorium and we set out across the building. I didn’t believe this kid could do this…that’s a) borderline gay and b) something no one could do in front of other people.
I was wrong. I sat in the way back of the auditorium while this kid walked right up to the stage and pulled the music stand in front of him. We all sat there and cracked jokes about this kid was pretending to jerk off all over the orchestral set for whatever was upcoming.
He announces he’s done and I volunteer to go up and call bullshit, but lo and behold, the entire stand looks like TCBY exploded. I dry heave, muffle a congratulations, and jet.
Some people are fucking sick.
April 29th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
There are only two types of liars: Those that say they don’t and those that say they quit.
Most studies indicate that 97% of men and 90% of women masturbate, which correlates to about the percentages that can even achieve sexual fulfillment. This means that we ALL masturbate.
This is going to be THE Tucker Max Message Board Masturbation thread. I want masturbation stories about any of these or related subjects:
-Being caught masturbating
-Catching someone masturbating
-How you figured out to masturbate
-Things your parents/elders have told you about masturbation
-Any other funny or interesting story you have that involves or centers around masturbation
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Tucker Max01-18-2005, 01:23 PM
I’ll start:
I don’t really have any good stories about being caught, because I went to a boarding school and we would catch each other jacking off so much it became a non-issue. My best story involves how I actually learned to masturbate.
I grew up mainly in central Kentucky, so the entire topic of masturbation was completely taboo. I wasn’t even fully sure of what masturbation was until I got to be like 13 or 14 (remember–this is pre-internet porn), I just knew it was awful and anyone suspected of it was summarily mocked.
I lost my virginity on my 16th birthday, and I had never masturbated. Don’t get me wrong; I had plenty of porn under my bed that I stole from my uncle, I just thought you were supposed to look at it. I had no idea it had another purpose.
Then more than a YEAR later, when I was 17, I was hanging out with a girl in my basement, and she refused to sleep with me, and said she didn’t like to give head. Fucking great. Now what? Then she started to jacked me off, you know, give me a hand job. I liked it a lot, and came relatively quickly (I also made sure that I came all over her, which did not please her).
So the next day I call her to come over and she is busy or whatever and I can’t find any other girls to come over, and then it dawns on me–I could do that myself. I have two hands, I can rub one or the other up and down my cock just like she did.
Lo and behold–I am even better at it than she was. I’m a fucking natural!
She called the next day:
Girl “Hey, can I come over?”
Tucker “Do you want to have sex?”
Girl “No–I told you, I don’t want to have sex until college.”
Tucker “Will you go down on me?”
Girl “No, I don’t like that. But we can, you know, do the other thing. But you need to be more careful this time…where you go.”
Tucker “No, just forget it. I’ve found something better.”
And that folks is the true fucking tale of how I learned to masturbate.
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abbalish01-18-2005, 01:37 PM
One Hanukkah when I was younger (I think I was 10), I received the gift of a vibrating pen; I believe it was called the Squiggle Wiggle Writer. Not long after that, I realized exactly what I had in my possession, and began to use it for purposes other than writing. I was masturbating with it before I even knew what masturbation was. I would steal my mother’s romance novels and go to town. I also used to masturbate to books by V.C. Andrews (the author of Flowers in the Attic and many other books, all of which are about incestuous relationships). Hot!
I used to be so embarrassed by this that I never told a soul about my special pen until I got to college. I finally came clean to a boy from my dorm freshman year. I was at a fraternity formal when my friend brought his date over to me, and said “I’m going to leave you two to talk about red vibrating pens.” We were like, “What…?” and we’ve been great friends ever since.
I didn’t figure out how to get off NOT using the pen until I was 19, when I locked myself in my room and decided that I would not leave the room until I had given myself an orgasm with my own hand. Last Thanksgiving, I cleaned out the drawers in my night table at home, and I threw out the pen; it barely worked from years of overuse. I figured I didn’t need suspicious items like that hanging around a house in which I did not live anymore.
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ibealllike01-18-2005, 01:54 PM
Wow you guys are late bloomers, i’ve been masturbating compulsively since i was 11
Chances are, if i’m having telephone conversation with you for more than 10 minutes i’m in the bed fiddling with my love button. Never to orgasm, but it counts. It could be grandma, doesnt matter.
I came back from the bar before my roomate one night and i was having loud drunken phonesex with my long distance boyfriend. My roomate stood outside the front door cause she thought i was actually fucking someone and called me on the other line.
I told her that i was having phone sex and to give me 3 minutes to finish.
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fuckedup01-18-2005, 02:00 PM
Wow you guys are late bloomers, i’ve been masturbating compulsively since i was 11
I have to agree, I discovered masturbation when I was 9 or 10. I was just laying in bed one night and started fiddling with myself, which gave me the oddest feeling. I tried again, nothing. It pissed me off to no end that I could only feel funny once every night. Now it’s multiple times per day.
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mylifesucks01-18-2005, 02:03 PM
When I was about 11 or 12 years old I was in my room, watching some strange movie on HBO with a cult of some sort that involved a bunch of naked women prancing around in some old Roman throneroom or something of that sort. All of a sudden, I realized that I was hard.
This caused me quite a bit of concern, so I began to rub it. Not the “usual” way, which, as I’m sure you all know, involves moving the fist up and down the shaft. No…, I took both of my hands, put them on my penis, and slid them against my penis rapidly, as though I was drying my hands beneath an air-dryer. I felt tension building, and I wanted to see what would happen if I kept going. All of a sudden, I felt a release, and all of a sudden the world opened up for me. This was the greatest thing ever!
I kept doing it that way, even though half the time I wouldn’t even achieve completion because my arms would get too tired before I finished for about a year and a half. After that, I saw my first porn video where the woman was giving a blowjob and sliding her hand up and down. The rest, as they say, is history.
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WhiteTrashCPA01-18-2005, 02:12 PM
I used to wad up a blanket or sheet and hump it when I was really young (8? 9?) I didn’t know what I was doing, only that it felt kind of neat and the motion soothed me. My mom called it “doing nasties” and would spank me for it. I realized what I was doing when I was a few years older, and bought an extra bed pillow with my babysitting money.
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Lurch01-18-2005, 02:13 PM
I never actually caught him, but I happened upon damning evidence left behind by my moron brother….. IN MY ROOM. We both still lived with my parents at the time, thus the issue. This particular day, I was just returning home from school, and he was leaving for work. I’m sure that as he left, I made a disparaging comment, or two, but it wasn’t enough as evidenced below. Noticed upon entering my room:
- Window shade partially up, so he could see if someone was coming up the driveway. I noted this quickly because I had done this many times when my girlfreind was in my room, so as to avoid embarrassing confrontations with the parental units.
- Computer chair parked in front of the TV.
- Porn box, that belonged to my parents, lying open in the floor next to the TV. Love on the Hershe Highway, I believe it was. Ron Jeremy gave an astounding monolog at the beginning. Four star family fun.
- TV still on.
- He did at least remember to stop the porn, however, the tape is still in the VCR.
- Crumpled towel on the floor.
Hence, my brother had masturbated to porn in my room, and completely left the mess for me to clean up. I fucking hate potheads.
I rehid the tape in my dad’s hiding spot. (Good job dad, even the bruno can find it.) I also used my brother’s tooth brush to pick up the towel and go throw it on his pillow, swearing to myself that next time I jerked off, it would be on the bristles of that very toothbrush. (Alas, I could never bring myself to do it.) No eye contact was made with my brother for weeks, I was too creeped out. All I think I ever said to him was, “Stop jerking off in my room, and don’t leave the bong on the living room table, dumbass.”
I did my fair share of drugs in my time, but never approached the blatantly idiotic things that kid did when high. Ahhhh, family.
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LoveIsVain01-18-2005, 02:15 PM
I was always a person a little behind my friends in every thing (college, sex, job, understanding life). I was pretty shy and not comfortable with my own skin as a teenager, so by the age of 16, with no sexual exprerience to call my own, I had become an overall champion at jerking my meat–Once, twice, THREE times a day if I had to. I had a friend who was kind of in the same boat as me, so naturally we were together more than we liked.
This might be kind of gay, but occasionally we started masturbating to porn together in the same room. We wanted to see who would come the most, the fastest, the longest–whatever the challenge might be for that day. So one day during a challenge, I was getting ready to come when I decided to I get up, go over to him and come all over his face! It was the funniest fucking thing I have ever done in my life! He actually punched my cock out of his face and came after me. He couldn’t go farther than my room with come on his face, since my mom was in the kitchen and I had little brothers and sisters running all around the place. Imagine that?
We hung out a couple of times after that but he was never truly able to forgive me, so our friendship vanished.
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AncientMariner01-18-2005, 02:32 PM
I was always a person a little behind my friends in every thing (college, sex, job, understanding life). I was pretty shy and not comfortable with my own skin as a teenager, so by the age of 16, with no sexual exprerience to call my own, I had become an overall champion at jerking my meat–Once, twice, THREE times a day if I had to. I had a friend who was kind of in the same boat as me, so naturally we were together more than we liked.
This might be kind of gay, but occasionally we started masturbating to porn together in the same room. We wanted to see who would come the most, the fastest, the longest–whatever the challenge might be for that day. So one day during a challenge, I was getting ready to come when I decided to I get up, go over to him and come all over his face! It was the funniest fucking thing I have ever done in my life! He actually punched my cock out of his face and came after me. He couldn’t go farther than my room with come on his face, since my mom was in the kitchen and I had little brothers and sisters running all around the place. Imagine that?
We hung out a couple of times after that but he was never truly able to forgive me, so our friendship vanished.
That really needed to be quoted in its entirety before second thoughts took hold.
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Jimmy Beam01-18-2005, 02:33 PM
This might be kind of gay…
No, it is gay.
FOCUS:
When I was about 13 years old, I discovered my Dad’s Penthouse magazines in the basement behind a whole bunch of random shit. I thought they were just something to look at, not actually something to use.
Later that year, my friends and me were talking about sex, girls, etc. and masturbation came up. I’ve heard of it, but never quite knew how to do it. Once I found out, I went home as fast as I could and the rest is history.
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BowChickaBowBow01-18-2005, 02:41 PM
I came across this book called “Little Birds”, by Anais Nin, while I was at my aunt’s house one day. I was 12 or 13 and I truly didn’t know jack SHIT about sex or pee pees or tweeters. When I opened this book, I was propelled into a world of perverse pleasures. I flipped through the different stories and for the first time, felt that tingle in my stomach and the warmth in between my legs. The book is erotica and some of the stories were about girls my age! So I was very intrigued. I hid in my cousin’s room for the better part of the day and worked the hell outta my stuff. After that, there was no stopping me. I would masturbate two to four times a night and always try and think of different ways to pleasure myself. We had a swimming pool put in and the cleaning system were these little “pop up” canister shaped things that were placed throughout the pool. They shot water out pretty damn fast. My favorite one was on the loveseat and I would see it come up and I would sit there, like all was good, I was just taking a breather, I got a cramp, WHATEVER excuse I could use for my thirty second orgasm. God I miss that pool.
One of my not so better moments occured when I graduated from simple touching of my clitoris to having the NEED to have something IN me and I searched for the perfect item. The lucky winner was a hot dog. But, alas, it was too cold. So I got the bright idea to heat it up. In the microwave. For quite awhile. It was a little warm on my fingers but it was SCORCHING hot on my tender labia. I was out of commission for about a week, nursing my wounds.
I still mastubate. A lot. Anyone that says they don’t, does it more than I do.
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Candypants01-18-2005, 02:43 PM
I was getting ready to come when I decided to I get up, go over to him and come all over his face! It was the funniest fucking thing I have ever done in my life!
Whew, I cannot tell you what a relief it is to know that I’m not the only one that thinks my friends giving me non-sexual facials is not only normal, but hilarious!
I was lucky to be an only child whose parents granted me tons of privacy, which may explain my fondness for getting myself off now. I guess I started around 13, though I’m not 100% percent sure. I do know that the first time it took about 30 seconds for me to come. That was awesome.
At 16 I bought my first vibrator, and there’s been no looking back since.
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Girl in KY01-18-2005, 02:44 PM
I was watching Top Gun for the first time and everytime Tom Cruise came on the screen I got a funny tickling feeling in my crotch. I started rubbing my pants and noticed it felt really good.
My mom caught me and hollered at me that I was being bad.
That night I kept thinking about how good it felt and how cute Tom Cruise was so I started rubbing myself again. I don’t think I had a real orgasm, but it got really good, then kind of died down suddenly. It made me sleep much better. This was in 1986- I was 6.
I started doing it all the time and I got busted a bunch. I really don’t remember doing it or getting caught, but my brother told me two years ago that they caught me all the time and mom worried I would be a nympho.
I still do it frequently. Twice a day is about average.
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Wahoo01-18-2005, 02:44 PM
This might be kind of gay…Yes, that might be kinda gay.
The way that tsunamis are kind of wet, or the Klan is kind of bigoted. Holy fucking crap.
Kudos for the courage to share, though. Seriously. Human experience has so many variations, and it’s good to get feedback from someone who’s a few standard deviations removed from the control group.
Are you hetero now?
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JoeyHustle01-18-2005, 02:50 PM
I’m gay.
What an incredibly unnecessary human being you are. I bet you still pretend you are straight, huh? You are straight like this thread was a good idea.
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DgnikcufrehtomB01-18-2005, 02:50 PM
back in the day…my friends and i were crashing at my buddy, brandon’s, house. in the middle of the night my friend, christian, woke up to the sounds of porn. upon further investigation he found a kid named jordan masturbating to pam and tommy in brandon’s house. if you remember the scene it was when tommy was honking the boat horn with his cock. he never lived it down.
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Jimmy Beam01-18-2005, 02:52 PM
back in the day…my friends and i were crashing at my buddy, brandon’s, house. in the middle of the night my friend, christian, woke up to the sounds of porn. upon further investigation he found a kid named jordan masturbating to pam and tommy in brandon’s house. if you remember the scene it was when tommy was honking the boat horn with his cock. he never lived it down.
Please refer to this thread: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=1591
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Shua01-18-2005, 02:55 PM
I was always a person a little behind my friends in every thing (college, sex, job, understanding life). ……
This might be kind of gay,
You beat them coming out of the closet though.
Focus: I discovered masturbation around 13 or so. It was by accident when I was using a back massager and it somehow ended up in my lap and something miraculous happened that I just did not understand but enjoyed immensely. It has been a healthy obsession ever since.
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gardenweasel01-18-2005, 02:58 PM
Are you hetero now?
I don’t think it works that way. To paraphrase the popular saying: “What do you call a man who has built a thousand bridges and jizzed on one guy’s face? A fag.”
Focus: When I had learned masturbation, somehow I was convinced that I was the first person ever. I guess I was a solipsistic little twat. Anyway, on a family car ride on vacation, I decided I’d partake in my little secret. Of course I get caught immediately.
“Are you playing with yourself?”
“No, I’m.. scratching. I itch.” (brilliant, gardenweasel, they’ll never suspect a thing)
“Well.. if you itch that much there, maybe you should see the doctor. Let’s go see the doctor.”
“No.. that’s OK. It’s.. gone.”
Wow, my parents were diplomatic. I probably would have fucking lost it.
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RedDick01-18-2005, 02:58 PM
When I was probably 11 or 12, my friend and I were behind his house, which backed up to a wooded area and a levee, smoking cigarettes and shooting at bottles and things with his pellet gun. Normal behavior for kids our age. Well, from down this trail across the levee, rides this dude on his mountain bike, about 35 years old or so, wearing shorts, a hawaiian shirt and carrying a backpack. We are hidden from his view so we wait to see what his intentions are.
The fucking guy gets off his bike, lays down on the concrete, whips out a jug of vaseline and begins to beat his meat right there!
My friend and I are in disbelief and laughing hysterically, but are far away enough that he cannot hear. So we decide that to make this more of a funny, we should start popping shots off at him through the bushes with his pellet gun.
I take aim and fire - right through his king size bottle of vaseline!
The motherfucker jumped 4 feet in the air and began running around yelling for us to show ourselves, all the while his pants are around his ankles. I’m on the ground, doubled over in laughter at this scene. We finally decide to retreat to my friends house as Master Baiter is quickly approaching our area of the woods. After we go back and inform the parents of what transpired, the police are called, and show up to find our hero still on the levee with his junk in his hands.
I later found out that the man was what they call “mentally retarded”.
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WhiteMastFlex01-18-2005, 03:01 PM
This isn’t about me, and may only be entertaining to me. But, my one roommate has certain behaviors that he breaks out when he is going to jerk off in his room.
There is no joke involved with this, he walks differently, and it’s sort of like a bounce he adds to his step. Reminiscent of a seven year old after a bag of pixie sticks, it continually creeps me the fuck out.
He gets up from the couch differently. We have all been friends since high school so we normally reference if we will be gone for a while. Except when it is jerkin time; then my boy just pops up, strolls into his room and doesn’t come back till he has a handful of dirty tissues.
He even starts to whistle as he heads back to his room. It would be worse if he whistled the same tune every time. But, it still freaks me out that he breaks out his whistle whenever he needs to clear the firing tubes.
The clincher is how loud he listens to porn. He listens to his music loud as shit to begin with, and when he throws the porn in the computer he never adjusts. So, we will be watching the most sterile television and then all of a sudden it has a porn music and moaning soundtrack.
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Bossanova01-18-2005, 03:20 PM
I was 12 years old, I believe. I still remember the movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106819/).
I had a hard-on, but this is the first time I did rubbing of any sort. The ejaculation surprised the hell out of me, I had no idea it was going to happen. I was scared and didn’t do it again for another 3 months or so. And now, well, game on.
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t3arlach01-18-2005, 03:26 PM
We had two computers in the house, but only my father’s was connectedto the internet. One day when I was about 13 I decided to look at a porn site. I had looked a few before, but never for very long. I found one that I liked and started stroking myself. Never been so suprised as I was when I came for the first time. Barely missed my father’s keyboard on the desk.
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Tucker Max01-18-2005, 03:41 PM
I KNOW more of you motherfuckers havev stories about getting caught jacking.
SHARTS???
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CJ*01-18-2005, 03:52 PM
I KNOW more of you motherfuckers havev stories about getting caught jacking.
SHARTS???
I pay a lady to come in and clean my house every couple of weeks or so. There is no way that she has NOT found my vibrators. I have two and I forget where I put them from time to time, which means that when she’s putting shit away in my drawers, they’re just there. She’s catholic, and I feel like such a dirty whore whenever I open a drawer after she’s been there and I know she had to have seen them. Actually, it seems like she’s steered away from the drawers alltogether. I can just imagine her horror to see a pink fallic shaped object with a smiley face on it and a rabbit head portruding from the bottom. HEll, she might not even know what it is. Doubtful.
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BlairLynn01-18-2005, 03:56 PM
When I was about 8 years old I used to play with a neighborhood friend. A girl about 12 years old. We were still young, and took baths together. One day my friend got underneath the faucet, in spread eagle position, and let the water flow onto her. I did the same, and it felt good. I had no idea that this was anything considered “bad” or “wrong”. All I knew was that it felt good. One day at home, I was doing the same in our bathtub, when my dad walked in. I got a long lecture about it, but I still remember how embarrassed I was that day. I didn’t start masturbating after that incident, until I was about 15.
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RunDownHouse01-18-2005, 04:05 PM
I was 12 years old, I believe. I still remember the movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106819/).
I had a hard-on, but this is the first time I did rubbing of any sort. The ejaculation surprised the hell out of me, I had no idea it was going to happen. I was scared and didn’t do it again for another 3 months or so. And now, well, game on.
Mine was Species (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114508/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj 0wfHE9c3BlY2llc3xodG1sPTF8bm09b24_;fc=1;ft=30;fm=1 ). Natasha Henstridge will forever hold a special place in my heart. I, too, was pretty surprised by the ejaculate, but I knew what it was, so I was ecstatic.
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Sharts01-18-2005, 04:10 PM
I KNOW more of you motherfuckers havev stories about getting caught jacking.
SHARTS???
I was caught only once in my life. I was in seventh grade. It was plenty.
I snuck into the den after my dad had went to bed and launched into my usual routine. I locked the door and walked over to the fireplace and pushed back one of dad’s medical books.
There it was. A bootleg copy of my dad’s “Behind The Green Door” that I found about three month before.
A few nights a week I would go into the den late at night, pop in that porn and jerk off while sitting on the couch. I think I watched that porn about 50 times at this point. This night would be my last.
I was sitting on the couch, pounding myself furiously when the black guy in white tights comes out and pounds the shit out of one of the girls. Soon, I finish my deed all over the front of my gray t-shirt.
I was an expert at rewinding the tape to the exact spot I found it, putting it back behind the book and sneaking back into my bedroom all undetected.
But this time something horrific happened.
I feel asleep. On the couch. Boxers around my ankles. With my dick in my hand. With my cum all over my t-shirt.
And, somehow, while asleep, my “free” hand had fallen on the remote. And turned the volume up. I didn’t notice. I am a very heavy sleeper.
My dad heard the porn blaring from across the house and headed towards the den. He tried opening the door, but it was locked. He knocked on the door. I still didn’t answer. I was out cold.
My mom woke up at this point, and asked my dad what the hell was going on. Thankfully, my dad realized what I was doing or just finished and told my mom to go back to bed.
Dad went into the garage, picked up a screwdriver and headed back towards the den. He picked the lock to the den and SLAMMED the door against the wall.
Now, I woke up. I don’t know who was more horrified; my dad for seeing what I had done; or me for getting caught.
After looking at me for a few painful seconds, my dad just yelled/stuttered “Get the hell out of here, clean up and go to bed. NOW!”
My dad never said another word about the incident. However, he didn’t talk to me for about a week and couldn’t even look at me for two days afterwards.
Oh, and “Behind The Green Door” wasn’t behind the books anymore the next time I checked. I did, however, find the video again almost ten years later while cleaning out the garage in a cabinet when helping my parents move houses. Ahh, the memories.
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JenneLicious01-18-2005, 04:31 PM
I started masturbating when I was 12 or 13, but I didnt get caught until college.
Sharing a room is completely different from having your own room at home.
My boyfriend at the time was doing a semester away in D.C for some political science program. To go from screwing 3-5 times a week to none is a little bit of a challenge so whenever we got the chance and some free time, we’d have phone sex.
One evening, my roommate had gone out to dinner with some friends so I decided to go to the gym and then call David for some action. He was availible and we quickly got into it.
We lost track of time (he got all sorts of imaginative when on the phone) and before I knew it, Katie came back from dinner. To find me sitting naked on my desk chair masturbating.
This wouldnt have been as awkward if I was just using my fingers, but I had my vibrator out. And she had no idea what it was ( Irish Catholic girl from CT= no clue about sex at all), so she ran out of the room screaming. I ended up laughing, my boyfriend thought I was laughing at him, so I got stuck with a pissed off and scared roommate, a boyfriend who was pissed at me, and a weak orgasm. Damn it.
A few days later I explained to her what went on and she seemed cool with it. She also asked me why I just didn’t just use my fingers, like she did.
I’ve also had my mom find some porn dvd’s and toys when I came home for summer breaks, but that’s not as bad as sending your roommate screaming out of your room in horror.
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GolfingAndy01-18-2005, 04:33 PM
I was an expert at rewinding the tape to the exact spot I found it, putting it back behind the book and sneaking back into my bedroom all undetected.
When I was about 12, I got caught in a similar incident. I was rewinding my Dad’s tape after rubbing one out and finally found the spot where I started at when I heard the garage door begin to open. In a panic I hit the eject button and was on my way to sprinting back to my parent’s closet when the problem hit: Our VCR at the time was old and shitty, and for some reason required you to hit the stop button before trying to eject the tape.
I heard the kitchen door close when I was halfway down the hall with three feet of cassette tape dragging behind me. I just wadded up the film/cassette mix, threw it back in dad’s stash box, and coolly walked back to my bedroom. The next morning I was busted and wasn’t even scolded for watching porn, masturbating, or even snooping through dad’s stuff. No, I was told my allowance money that week would go towards buying dad another tape.
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SUZABEL01-18-2005, 04:39 PM
Behind The Green Door story
Oddly enough, my first masturbation experience was to this movie as well. I wrote about it here (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=38481#post38481). Unlike Sharts, I never got caught, but I did keep watching it until my parents finally cleaned out their closet.
Damn, I miss 70’s porn.
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untenschrift01-18-2005, 04:41 PM
When I was little (don’t remember how little) I always thought kinky thoughts about bondage and other erotic paraphernalia. I remember being enamored with the masked girls on Mortal Kombat. Chaulk one up for video games.
I think I learned how to masturbate with one of those vibrating pens. I think I learned it at quite a young age, because I remember my parents stocking up on them in our chirstmas stockings. But I never truely learned the proper method. I got my jollys off by kind of rubbing the scabbard against the side of my leg, which still feels good to this day. Then my dick got big enough to the point of not being able to turn itself over in such a fucked up position, so I couldn’t masturbate for a good month until I looked through my internet more clearly.
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Attitude01-18-2005, 04:42 PM
Wow you guys are late bloomers, i’ve been masturbating compulsively since i was 11
Please, thats late. The first time I ever beat off was while watching the tv show Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter, that outfit, crazy hot) and while I don’t remember exactly what season this happened the show went off the air when I was 7. Basically I was watching the show, I got an erection (I know, 6 year old with an erection, sorry) and discovered that by rubbing it against the floor (preferably with a blanket or something between me and the floor) I would rather quickly have an orgasm (with no mess). I did this pretty regularly until one day when I was maybe 12 or so and I had come back from summer camp (so one month of no masturbating) and tried it while in the shower (normal style). This time I actually ejaculated and scared the crap out of myself since nothing had ever come out before. I spent some time freaking out that maybe I broke it but eventually figured out what was going on.
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infiniteparadigm01-18-2005, 04:56 PM
“Remain calm and tell yourself, ‘You don’t own me, masturbation! I’m taking my life back!’
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,63502,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_1
This world frightens me….
Or there was this hilarious reading:
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION
A Mormon missionary came across a “guide,” circa 1970, on tattered photocopy paper. In fact, the pages were stuck together.
Anyway, it is pretty amusing (example - Suggestion 19: “In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.”).
It deserves an audience:
http://www.thehumorsource.com/jokes/419.html
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Kcaz01-18-2005, 04:57 PM
I can’t remember when I started whacking it but I sure remember the first time I ejaculated. Up until that point I had no idea that anything was supposed to come out of it.
One day while jerking it in the bath tub, a glob of pus-like substance flew out and hit me in the chest! This had to be some kind of infection from overuse. A couple months earlier I had decided to pull my foreskin back and leave it there. Overnight it swelled and turned dark purple, requiring a very embarrasing hospital trip to get everything back in its place. Obviously this pus shooting out of my head was related.
After another trip to the hospital a doctor explain things to me after I was tested for an STD.
It seems they have to do an STD test if you complain about pus coming out of your cock no matter what your age.
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Ave01-18-2005, 05:05 PM
After wrestling practice in high school, all 60 of us would cram single file into the eight-headed shower room in locker room. In short, this was to protect us from the ringworm, impintigo (sp?), and other skin diseases you could get from the mat. We’d all wash quickly so others could get in and out, but sometimes you’d be, in total, in line and in the shower for up to an hour.
Well, one night, a guy that no one really cared for was hitting the showers. This guy was the kind of guy who would smack around the Freshman, give wedgies and stupid-ass shit like that. He’d walk by and smack you in the nuts when you were in warm ups and was one of the strongest fuckers on the team, so basically it was hard to get him back without getting your ass handed to you.
Well anyway, one night I walked by the poor fucker’s locker and saw about six guys taking turns jerking off and busting loads all over his clothes, towels, bags and equipment. It was all the smallest dudes on the team.
I laughed my ass off as I got dressed, trying to ignore them as they giggled and passed the magazine that they were sharing.
As fucked up as it might have been, the guy having to go out to his car is spooge-covered clothes, he deserved his punishment after months of abuse to the little guys.
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infiniteparadigm01-18-2005, 05:17 PM
When I was in Basic Training at Ft. Jackson, there was a kid in my squad with the last name of Costello. Well, Costello was the first and only one that was ever caught jerkin’ off in our barracks’ latrine. Well, of course Costello got a ton of shit for this, because he was 1) weak 2) little (not tall, and also not well endowed) and, 3) he got nose bleeds all of the time (from stress I think), but everyone started saying his nose bleeds were from masturbating.
Well, other people in our platoon would sometimes get nose bleeds too, so everyone said that they had caught Costello’s disease.
Fucked up shit, and ya got to feel bad for the kid, but he also wasn’t soldier material.
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FKA SH301-18-2005, 05:17 PM
When I was in high school, I came into possession of keys to every room in the school, and used them to every advantage that a semi-corrupt high school student would. One day, I was in the school late for extra-curricular activities and myself and a group of friends were talking about how uptight the music department at the school was.
If you haven’t heard of the “World Famous Bergenfield High School Marching Band,” then apparently you haven’t been watching the Macy’s parade in the past twenty years. But I digress…
So, we were talking about all the fucked-up things we could do just to show them they were a group full of marching band dorks when a freshman trying to score brownie points said he would masturbate on the conductors music stand. I was sold. I fished out the key to the auditorium and we set out across the building. I didn’t believe this kid could do this…that’s a) borderline gay and b) something no one could do in front of other people.
I was wrong. I sat in the way back of the auditorium while this kid walked right up to the stage and pulled the music stand in front of him. We all sat there and cracked jokes about this kid was pretending to jerk off all over the orchestral set for whatever was upcoming.
He announces he’s done and I volunteer to go up and call bullshit, but lo and behold, the entire stand looks like TCBY exploded. I dry heave, muffle a congratulations, and jet.
Some people are fucking sick.
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Brockystyle01-18-2005, 05:25 PM
God damn, I had a fucked up childhood.
The inquisitive eleven year old Brockystyle decides to search through my parents’ room for some porn like every normal kid does. I knew my parents loved to fuck (yes, I unfortunately have heard them on numerous occasions) and for some stupid-ass reason, they still wore condoms. I tore one off, tried it on for size…
Hmm.. Slimy. WHAT THE FU!!! - [gap in reality] - wow. I need some more of that!
I think it just happened by accident. I remember no strokes or massaging. All I knew was that it was fucking awesome.
Don’t worry… I learned how to replicate it with amazing efficiency. I put myself on a rigorous jacking schedule. From about age 11 to 14, every time I had to piss, I’d clean the pipes beforehand. It’s hard work but someone has to do it.
Addendum to the story: That was the only time I’ve ever been able to bust inside a condom and my right arm is drastically larger than my left.
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Random_Hero_Guy_01-18-2005, 05:29 PM
I learned to masturbate by imitating a joke handshake that made the masturbation motions, and trying it infront of the TV when I was 12. I never actually shot off until I was closer to 13, but I still knew how.
Last year, my dad caught me whacking off to some internet porn. He told me to clean up when I was done, and then he turned and left. It was awquard.
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AncientMariner01-18-2005, 05:29 PM
When I was in high school, I watched a guy whack off and then inspected his load.
What the hell, it’s coming out of the closet today here, isn’t it?
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Tree Hate Me01-18-2005, 05:32 PM
It was awquard.
I’m amazed you spelled masturbate correctly.
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BoredJen01-18-2005, 05:33 PM
I get caught a lot.
First a few quirks about me - I can not get off without a lot of nipple stimulation and my boobs must be exposed to the air. I can’t have a shirt on and I can’t do it under the covers.
Because of this, when I first stated playing with myself, I noticed that it was better when I did it in the tub rather than in bed. I didn’t know about the concept of orgasm, but I knew I got further along in the tub. After a year or so, I realized that I could get just as far if I did not hide under the covers. Thus began my long history of getting caught.
My bedroom door had no lock and my family was fond of bursting in. My dad caught me once and then never entered my room again. Mom would catch me a few times per year. Once, she quietly commented that perhaps I should get under my covers. This made me feel smarter than my mom because I knew it was better for all women without the covers.
My little sister catching me was the worst. She would tell the whole neighborhood “I caught Jen pulling on her boobs. She thinks that will make them bigger.” (It didn’t.)
In one college apartment, my door again had no lock and we had a communal storage closet in my room. Both roommates caught me once when they didn’t know I was home. One of them moved all her stuff out of the closet.
In a different apartment, I found it best to lie on my back with my feet up on the end table. Then I could grind against a small vibrator tucked between me and the arm of the couch while both hands worked the nipples. My roommate and her boyfriend walked in on this show. This was the most horrifying time. She insisted that I pay to have the couch cleaned and she moved out within a month. The boyfriend kept asking me to help his girlfriend be more open with her sexuality like I was.
Finally, a harmless one - I left my toys out on the kitchen table after changing the batteries. While I was out, my roommate put them on my bed and covered them with a towel. I apologized later and she laughed at me, but also said it had taught her something about the different size varieties - she only had one.
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Sharts01-18-2005, 05:33 PM
What the hell, it’s coming out of the closet today here, isn’t it?
Which coincides with “nut graf” day.
AM: There’s a joke in there somewhere about the “lede,” but damned if I can find it.
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FKA SH301-18-2005, 05:44 PM
What the hell, it’s coming out of the closet today here, isn’t it?
I was nowhere near him when he did it and thought he was bullshitting. Do not group me with the “blowing the load in his friend’s face” kid. That’s fucking sick.
I was simply confirming that this kid did something I would never do in a million years, or even thought was possible at that point in time, and it was fucking disgusting. You’re acting like I fucking taste tested it or something.
“Yep, this is semen. Good job, kid.”
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AncientMariner01-18-2005, 05:54 PM
That’s an awful lot of justification for what still boils down to “I watched a guy whack off and then inspected his load.”
The drag queen doth protest too much, methinks.
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LoveIsVain01-18-2005, 05:55 PM
It must of been about 4 years ago (I was 20) when I was ALMOST caught spanking by my younger brother, who was about 14 at the time.
First of all, you must know that my room was in the attic of my parents house. So for somebody to get up there, they must first walk up a flight of stairs.
Okay, I’m laying on my bed pleasuring myself like there’s no tomorrow! I’m talking about moaning, grinding, sticking my fingers in my ass, the whole nine. Right as I’m coming all over my stomach, chest, and neck (I like to see how far I’ll shoot) I hear my door open and somebody’s running full steam ahead up the steps. I quickly throw the covers over me, lay on my stomach and pretend like I’m half asleep –don’t forget that I have half a quart of nut all over myself.
After my brother talks to me about God knows what, he finally leaves me to my freshly clean sheets on my freshly made bed that is now ruined. Also, I must admit he was being strange.
To my surprise, I get up to clean myself and I see a drop of come about the size of a nickel right next to my bed on the floor. I still don’t know if he ever saw that.
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FKA SH301-18-2005, 06:02 PM
Moving right along…
I do know another story. Two more, in fact. And I was nowhere near the involved loads, nor did I “inspect them,” either when I was wearing a dress or my normal clothes.
During prom weekend, some kid who was known for erratic behavior actually masturbated on the head of a friend of mine who was passed out drunk. This resulted in the most classic line of the weekend, as he stumbled out of the room with his hand on the side of his face…
“Dude, which one of you guys spit in my hair while I was asleep?”
—-
For those of you that played football in high school, you know of the latent homosexuality that runs rampant in so many locker rooms: towel snapping, cookie runs, what have you.
There was an incident my freshman year that caused myself and numerous others to never enter a locker room again post-practice. I ended up walking home in full uniform and changing/showering there to avoid ever bearing witness to a scene like this again.
The center of the varsity team when I was on the freshman squad was your typical, “Hey, I’m the tall, fat kid, so I play center” type. Apparently, it was decided one day that he would be the brunt of one of the most horrid, demeaning things I have ever seen.
(And no, I didn’t stick around to inspect the load.)
One of the wide receivers of the varsity team was your typical leather-jacket wearing loose cannon type, and he enlisted the help of no less than five other people to assault and hold down the center while he fucked the kid’s belly button.
I ran screaming into the night.
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Xanax01-18-2005, 06:05 PM
For those of you that played football in high school, you know of the latent homosexuality that runs rampant in so many locker rooms
Thoughout my entire four years of high school football, I have never once hovered over a fellow peer while he masturbated, and inspected his load.
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Mingan2901-18-2005, 06:09 PM
I actually had heard about that from my gay ex-best friend and I wanted to do do so, so I horked a Victoria’s Secret and went to the bathroom.
That was 10 years ago. Since then…”an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”
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Tucker Max01-18-2005, 06:12 PM
Would you fags shut the fuck up and quit arguing about who is more gay. You are interfering with the fags bearing their faggy souls for our entertainment.
Post stories or don’t post.
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DrMandrake01-18-2005, 06:25 PM
I was caught by my sister!
I was jerking off in my living room on the couch by the front door. Usually I kept a close eye on the sidewalk outside so I could see someone coming and hide my onanistic pleasures. I must have been getting real into her new copy of seventeen (i was probably 15 at the time) because suddenly, the door opens and in she walks. At that same moment, before I have a chance to even perceive what is going on - boom, like a fucking fountain, I shoot a stream of semen into the air. It was as if the world slowed down - everything was frozen in time, her jaw hitting the floor, the look of sheer horror in my eyes, and that spray of semen flying slooooowly through the air and landing, of course, right on the glossy pages of her seventeen magazine.
She screamed. I screamed. I jumped, she ran out of the door. I went to my room, she returned, and to this day we have never spoken of the “incident” again.
I don’t know whatever happened to that Seventeen, but I’m pretty sure she stopped reading it after that.
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Gutter01-18-2005, 06:35 PM
My first time discovering self-love is also the first time I was caught. My father used to always talk alot of shit whenever I had to go use the public bathroom because he was an asshole. His favorite one-liner was “Remember if you shake it more than twice you’re playing with it.” In a loud voice across the restaurant or wherever. At the age of 13 I decided to shake it at the urinal as I finished just to show that bastard I didn’t care what he said. Needless to say about 1 minute of shakes later I nutted in a public urinal as some dude cam in the door. I froze terrified that I had indeed played with it and now it was broken, and he froze at seeing a young kid, back arched, just nut into the only urinal in this small bathroom. He turned and left as I zipped up and sprinted for the restaurant exit. My father asked what happened and I told him I’d pissed myself to explain the wet spot now on my shorts. to this day one of his favorite stories is the time 13-yr old Gutter pissed himself in public like a little girl. Bastard.
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sickduck01-18-2005, 06:41 PM
I was 11 years old when I first did it, I was in my bedroom and a Mariah Carey music video came on. Well I knew what masturbating was and thought about it but I just kind of did it. I don’t even think I was about to cum then. Then like a year or two later my friends were talking about it when we were drinking Seagrams and wine out of a box(hey you drink what you could at 11) Well low and behold I wasnt the only one who did this so I felt normal. Best hand job I ever gotten was by a chick who spit on my dick then jacked me off.
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Fatty01-18-2005, 06:43 PM
Never got caught, but my parents have stumbled across my stroke stash a few times.
1) When I was really young, I rented some softcore from the local video store. Accidentally left it in the VCR. Parents said nothing, but my mother was very depressed and wouldn’t look me in the eye for a few days.
2) Lived at my parents’ beach house for a year. When they came down for the summer, I high tailed it somewhere else, thinking (incorrectly) that I had erased all evidence. Younger (8 year old) cousin who was staying in my room for a week discovers my well-hidden shoebox full o’ erotica. Parents and Aunt and Uncle not amused. I’m accused of corrupting a child with filth. I come back with, “Considering he was touching stuff that didn’t belong to him, his ethics were questionable to begin with.”
3) While on vacation, my parents asked me to take some digital photos of a piece of property they were looking at. I obliged, but in copying the pictures from directory to directory to be burned to CD, I added one too many. I didn’t know what happened til later, when my girlfriend asked me, “How’d your mom know I had a boob job?”
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sickduck01-18-2005, 06:44 PM
I actually had heard about that from my gay ex-best friend and I wanted to do do so, so I horked a Victoria’s Secret and went to the bathroom.
That was 10 years ago. Since then…”an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”
Victoria’s Secret is better then what I used once, JCPenneys catalog the bra section.
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Candypants01-18-2005, 07:08 PM
I got my first vibrator at 16 thanks to my slutty friend. She was rather, uh, liberal about her sexual encounters. As a joke, a few of us bought her a vibrator for Christmas one year. Around late January, she told me it was the best gift she’d ever recieved, even though she initially knew it was a joke, and said the best thing I could do for myself is go buy one. I did, and secretly thank her to this day.
as an aside, she didn’t pop her first kid out until she was 21. We were all shocked it took her that long.
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UCseF01-18-2005, 07:14 PM
I, like tucker, had no idea how to masturbate for way too long. The first time I remember having an orgasm was while actually having sex, something probably unheard of. I just stopped with my mouth wide open and had no idea what had just happened. The look on my face must have been priceless because my girlfriend just looked at me wide-eyed and said “what? whats wrong!?” Before then I had thought something was severely wrong with me and that I couldn’t get off because whenever I tried masturbating I did it without any lotion/soap and gave up before I was even close.
Basically a few days after having sex I figured out in the shower that I could make it feel even better than sex with a condom! I came and felt more manly then than I ever had in my life. Since then almost every day of my life has been about 10 times better than before, because now I always have something to look forward to. I love me way more than I could ever love a girl.
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doglegleft01-18-2005, 07:25 PM
When I was a freshman in high school, I had become so obsessed with masturbation that I would take “personal days” to stay home from school to have a go at it all day long. At least once a month, I would wake up and tell my mom that I didn’t feel well just so I could have free reign on the household.
As a side note, up until that point, I was so concerned with getting caught that I would only do it at 4am, locked in the downstairs powder room with the Spiegel catalog, staring intensely at the lock on the doorknob. The paranoia had reached such a stage that I would actually lay in bed and give it just enough tug that I knew I would only need to run to the bathroom for a few seconds before erradication was imminent.
Eventually, I became so paranoid that the only way I would feel comfortable masturbating was if I was home alone and could enjoy the act to its fullest extent. I would seriously go through these 8-hour top-secret marathon masturbatory sessions anytime I could get away with it. Anyway, when you regularly start going on these self-gratification binges, you find yourself masturbating to the oddest material, often in the most fucked up places and in the most awkward positions.
By January 1992, masturbation had become more of an art than a pasttime. I did it standing up, laying down, crouched on all fours, backhand, forehand, righthanded, lefthanded, both hands - you name it. Of course, every artist needs his muse, and from a stimulation standpoint, at 16 years old, I could be turned on at the sight of two grapefruits and the cross-section of a peach. My favorite daytime faux-porn substitute, however, was ESPN’s Bodyshaping with Kiana Tom. To this day, the sight of her doing thigh presses still sends blood to the brain.
Anyway, one day, in true Picasso form, I decided to take the art of masturbation to new heights. I situated myself on my living room couch in such a way that I was upside down with my legs in the air, my back to the cushion and my head cocked back at a 90 degree angle for maximum viewing pleasure (or so I had convinced myself). It looked like some sort of inverted skateboard trick. It was beautiful. Approximately 30 seconds into my freeform masturbatory exhibition, the proverbial shit hit the fan. In those days, Bodyshaping was on three times a day, once at 7:30, once at 9:30 and then again at 12:30, which is coincidentally the same time at which 99 percent of all Americans took their lunch breaks in 1992.
If you can only imagine the look of horror on my mother’s face when she walked in the door to find me on her love seat upside down with dick in hand, pajama bottoms wrapped around my ankles, and Kiana Tom doing lat-pulldowns on the 32 inch Zenith. Needless to say, that was the last time my mother ever brough me soup when I stayed home from school with a “cold”.
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SLandham01-18-2005, 07:48 PM
I think I was 14 for my first time, I had been at the movies with my mom & brother watching the live action version of The Three Musketeers that came out whenever that was. Anyway Rebecca Demornes (I’m not looking that shit up) was in it along with a couple other chicks all with the best cleavage I’d ever seen. I had an unbreakable hardon for about 3 hours. So for the whole movie, the walk out to the car, the car ride, getting home, and finally taking a shower (a good excuse). I must have been in there 30 minutes beating it furiously, I don’t know how I knew what to do, but I sure did. The interesting part was that I was either too young, or there was something wrong with me, but when i orgasmed nothing came out. Goddam if it wasn’t the best feeling ever though, I almost collapsed on the shower floor. The feeling is like that after you ejaculate when either the girl keeps sucking or you keep moving your penis in her, that really sensitive, overwhelming feeling. It was like this every time I jacked off for at least a month. That fast crunch you do, I must’ve had abs of steel. Girls might not know about this, I dunno. Before the first time I got laid I thought I knew what it was going to be like, and I was right, it was just as good as I thought it’d be, but this was impossible for anyone to know without having done it, which makes it basically the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Oh yea, after figuring it out I used to masturbate so often and so furiously that I’d tear the sides of my dick and it’d bleed. It sucked ass, but one time I put a band-aid on it and my parents noticed the wrapper in the bathroom trashcan where I spent like an hour a day. They asked me where the band-aid was since I wasn’t wearing it anywhere obvious and they figured it out, the fuckers. I used the excuse that I zipped my cock up in my zipper though and got away. It was a close one.
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tankedLAX01-18-2005, 08:17 PM
One of my friends told me a terrible story about getting caught.
He was at his house one day a couple years ago, out in the living room, and assumed no one was going to be home for a couple hours, so he might as well rub one out right there. So he was getting into it, and went for quite some time. At the moment of truth, RIGHT before he is about to erupt, his front door unlocks, which is right by the living room where he is watching porn on the TV. His mom and his little sister walk in to see him ejaculating all over himself. They run out of the room, and his sister is probably ruined for life.
I havn’t been directly caught, I always had a doorlock. But my mom used to clean my room thoroughly, and when i checked behind my bed for one of my “socks”, I always noticed she had taken them out, and she never mentioned it, but I always felt like I was going to hell for it.
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Sangre01-18-2005, 08:23 PM
I got caught when I was home on leave this past Christmas. It was 8am or so Sunday, and I through a tape in the VCR. I was staying on the couch, so everything was right there.
I had the volume turned way down, and I thought I heard someone creeping around in the kitchen. Pre-emptive strike, I kill the vcr. A split second later, mom walks into the living room just as I pull the blankets over me as I’m sitting up.
She gives a quick strange look, and just says.. “Oh… I uh thought you were still asleep…” and then walked out.
No yelling, no mention of it later. Nothing.
Of course, I just shrugged my shoulders, finished off, and went back to sleep.
Working on a submarine, getting caught happens constantly. One time my boss walked in while I was sitting at the desk, cock in hand, with some porn on the laptop. Hey just said “uh oh… UH OH!” and walked out, never making a mention of it.
The first time I jerked off was one hundred percent inspired by the comedy of Andrew Dice Clay. He had a whole skit about when he was a kid he jerked off all over and fucked everything.
Dice was and still is my hero. If Dice like to jerk off, then I liked to jerk off.
At this stage in the game, my masturbation has taken on a life of its own. Some days, that’s all I do.
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Bastardized01-18-2005, 09:03 PM
Aside from this (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=31637&postcount=32) and this, (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=31399#post31399) I can somewhat relate on the ignorance (or innocence?) of youth.
My first time was on accident. I was a very late bloomer, while all my friends were starting to sound like a squeaky bass clarinet, my voice still rang out like a piccolo. I didn’t hit puberty until I was almost 15.
I was staying over at a friend’s house one night and got an erection when I was trying to go to sleep. This was nothing unusual, I had been getting them all my life. But for some reason, that night I decided I should rub it, a lot. After hearing jokes about masturbation at school, I was going to find out what all the fuss was over. After about two minutes of frenzied rubbing I popped my first nut onto my stomach, chest, and neck. Instead of being grossed out, I was ecstatic. I kept thinking “holy shit, I did it! I did it!” I got up as quietly as possible and ran to the bathroom, where I tried to make it happen again to no avail. I was also finally able to answer the question of color that I dared not ask anybody else.
After that, nothing was off limits. The first porn I swiped from my dad was a copy of Debbie Does Dallas, which I kept until someone stole while I was in the Navy. Bastards.
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Lilith01-18-2005, 09:30 PM
My brother, who is not the brightest crayon in the box, used to masturbate in front of our shared computer that happened to be in his room. He was probably about 11 at the time when I first walked in on him. Since then I’ve always knocked. I’m assuming my mother also accidentally walked in on one of his sessions as well because soon after the computer got moved out into the hallway.
Now if my mom thought this was going to put an end to my brother’s masturbation she was most definitely wrong. Now every time I walked from my room to the bathroom, downstairs, whatever, and my brother was on the computer his shirt would be tucked over a rather conspicuous bulge in his pants. Choosing to ignore this and hoping he was just sitting awkwardly I put it from my mind. That is until a thick whitish yellow dried goop started appearing on the hallway corner and our kazaa had multiple incest and barnyard videos downloaded and often left open in the theatre section. At this point I started loudly announcing when I was coming up the stairs or leaving my room and stopped using the computer altogether.
Now probably a month after the whole incest and barnyard animal porn started, my mother notices that two of the corners in the hallway have this stuff dried in rivulets on it. Apparently one corner just wasn’t enough. She proceeds to call me over and ask what it is, while picking at it with her nails and sniffing the chunk that she picked off. I didn’t say anything, but she must